I sit here typing in the dark and feel so alone. I shouldn't I know that I have a wonderful family here in this house and I have an Abba Father who loves me and cares for me. I know this. It is just at this moment I do not feel this. I feel alone. It has been a tough day, a tough week, a tough start of the year. I feel stuck in a tunnel with no way out, I feel like hope is such a strong word, I feel that my life is spinning further and further out of control and that no one cares, no one truly cares. There are lots of people that say thinking of you, praying for you, but do they, are they? I guess I think too much. I am always wondering what others are saying behind my back, what others are thinking, but again, I really don't think many people care. Sad, but true. I guess I really don't put myself out there to be loved, I tried. I REALLY tried with choir, but I was soon forgotten in the hustle and bustle of everyone elses troubles.
Alas, the reason, for my being up at this odd hour. James was hard to wake this am. I didn't think a lot of it, and got in the shower. He came up stairs a few minutes later saying that he was scared and that he couldn't breathe. I ran next door to my sister Susie as I dialed 911. We decided before 911 connected to have Susie just take him since we lived so close. So, off to the ER they went. I got my brother to stay with the kids, called my MIL and off to the ER to be with James. The whole way there I was praying and preparing to see him intubated as I had no idea what was going on. I also called sweet Bobbie and asked that she send an email to the choir regarding what was going on. Praise God, I got there and he was ok, sitting up hooked up to monitors and talking to the Dr. The final diagnosis is we don't know. His uvula swelled and elongated causing his airway to be blocked. They gave him steroids and antibiotics to cover the bases and this did help the swelling. While on the monitors, his BP was threw the roof, 220/150 and wouldn't come down. They gave him some IV meds and finally got that under control as well and he was free to go. Praise God.
Meanwhile, I was supposed to go to the ER today because I have a hole in my leg again and the pain is just unreal. Also, the hole is red and yucky. So, I obviously made it to the ER just for a different reason! :) This hole is the most frustrating thing ever! I wish it would go away, I am tired of the pain meds and antibiotics and all the other various stuff that comes with it. DONE!!
Ok, I need to get my priorities straight I have a GREAT God, wonderful, adorable kids and a good husband- there is not much to complain about, right?
